TROLLEDEMANILLE

I am not sure if the spelling above is right. I have turned to trash the persistent garbage who had been bugging my blog.

This is my private domain so whatever I write here are my own thoughts, my words and my own trash, not yours, faceless nuisance!

When you want to say something just to insult me, approach me in person and do not spit here. I have been looking for you all over the net and you are unidentified, meaning spam! No! Spam is expensive, you are not even a meat loaf but a rubbish!

I have not moderated posting of comments on this blog before, thinking, people will be well-mannered enough to use appropriate language.

What's with you and the 25 pesos worth of publication in Quiapo? For sure you are not one of them. They are artists, not faceless vermin gnawing languidly on filth.

I am not supposed to mind you but using the same foul language you have there and calling me nasty words, I can consent no more.

I am using this medium to pour out my emotions and you happen to came across this and you got fascinated, now it dawns on you, you can not write even just a full 5-sentence paragraph and you are calling me names? YOU ARE PATHETIC HIDING YOUR SCARRED FACE WITH AN ALIAS!

This person happens to be calling me names and swearing in Tagalog. What's with you? You are crossing boundaries you are not supposed to.

I don't have talent in writing? Yes, you are right probably but this is not for you to decide should I stop or not. I respect, you are practicing your democratic right but be very discreet not to flaunt your identity in public because I can actually test democracy on you too!

Quiapo artists selling their works at 25 pesos are better than my writing, yeah I believe so! But this is no profit generating publication, mind you. THIS IS MY PERSONAL BLOG WHICH HAPPENS TO VACUUMED THE GREEN MONSTER OUT OF YOU!

I don't hang around Starbucks, if you ogle over those people who have pennies to spare on expensive cup of coffee, wait until someone leaves a half emptied cup and devour on the remaining sips. That way you'll stop dreaming how it tastes like.

Try Seattle's Best, UCC and Coffee Bean, some writers burn cash there and be careful they have auto-shredder, they might pick on you as useless.

This is what it uses, "It" because it refers to neuter, faceless, unidentified object, not a person, not even animal because I own two dogs who happen to be humane than this monster. http://trolledemanille.livejournal.com/ --- Try to search. 

Mark as bug, spam is exorbitant to refer to this coward.

Apology for the outburst, readers.

Well again, this is my blog. I do post responsibly until I came across this dung that contaminated my whole demeanor. 

Next time, I'll be executing more refined behavior but I'll be carrying a rustic double bladed dagger with me.

POSSIBILITY

I have been in a multifaceted emotions these past few days. I am trying to look back and see where I am already at. I have achieved a lot but I know it's not enough.


I have a lot of aspirations and one of those is to be happy. I am not saying, I am not but the happiness that would spring from the inside. Where no one and nothing would brag you to wake up every morning and a smile should linger on your face for no reason at all.


Study shows that, early 30ish is the moment where you really look at yourself as someone elevating from where you were 2-3 years prior. Where are you? What have you achieved so far? Have you stepped up the ladder of success or you have been on a plateau for quite some time now?


I have always asked my purpose. I know what I need to be done and what I have to do. I need to reinvent myself in order to avoid being a moth to the flame. 


The opportunities are widely spread, you might already have stumbled upon it once and you have not recognize it's already for you. I have disregarded all the glory of being where I should be. I enjoyed the comfort of my present zone and I just thought of it as a contentment. But am I? 


Contentment is all in the mind, you might say. I have been into that logic for a while and fought for my previous choices. Of course, once you put your decision into something and it appeared you got the wrong one, you tend to shield yourself from any regrets and blames. But try to analyze deeper, are you really happy?


Happiness should not be a by product of success but it should be a precursor to the latter. If you are wearing happiness on your sleeves then most likely, your goal for the day will undoubtedly blend in to your achievements.


It is tiring to wake up one day and you feel you need to rise because you have obligations.  Why not try to wake up because you are tired of lying down and your system kicks you to rise and paint the town red.


The question of contentment lies whether are you happy or are you already burn out?


Before the flames die down, before the sun sets, before the light goes out, I have to repair the damages and patch the holes the boredom has triggered.


Life is a multifaceted emotions, you just have to choose your hue. 


I am not keeping my fingers crossed, I have the Sovereign Force to pick one for me.


I am ready to glide on an arch of a rainbow, once I selected the wrong one, I have an array of options on my foot. 


Happiness is a state of mind, yet you really have to make the right choices. 


When it seems a dead end, right or left might not exist but there will always be a U-turn to correct whatever erroneous decisions you have executed.


I am.




*image from funnbee4.blogspot.com

I thought so..

2011 was not a good year. I was on the other side of the see-saw but I was at the higher end. You think, I am fortunate? Yes, I also thought so. But gravity pulls object to the ground. As much as I want to defy the force, I can't. You can just turn your back from a magnet but never from the power of the Earth's inner core.

I fell. Hard! Ouch!

Then I thought, I would just rise and walk away but no! I stumbled once more, then another then another.

My knees were scraped. Painful but I never cried out. What for? I'm brave! No one should know I was bleeding. Put a make up on, masscara to curl lashes, smiled and picture perfect!

That's the best I've got! Pretensions!

I took all the blow. I was like a hermit crab, oftentimes, I could hide. I could crawl and hide.

Forces wrecked my hiding place.

I was left naked, vulnerable and bruised.

I run to climb a sturdy tree to realize it was just a shadow of a burning bush.

My pretense collapsed.

I am alone.

In this dark alley, I have no one.

The glimpse of 2012 sent me hope.

I clawed my way up.

I settled at the highest peak.

I became my own master.

I am strong, you lean on me.

I am tall, climb up on me.

I am brave..

No I am not!

2012 is already halfway, is there still hope?

I nod.

Tears

Heavy rain pour outside
Feels like it comes
With my aching heart
I am staring at the ceiling
But gazing past the white painted wood
I am in this position
Six hours, almost
I am not bored
I just realized
I have been so active all my life
I got tired
And now I owe myself
This rest
Blank stares
And empty mind
The rain water keeps on
Pounding the window pane
Calling me outside
I look up to see the dark skies
I whisk the cover off me
And slide out of bed
As I open the door
The wind kisses my cheeks
Telling me it's always alright
To have fun in the rain
And I let go of the tears
For so long have been kept
I wail and mourn out
The ennui I have inside
Tomorrow promises
Another day.

Somewhere in Between

I am fully aware that I am doing complicated plots for my YA Fantasy.

At first, I just started with a young love sweet love drama. As I tranced along the romance genre, I realized I needed a little twist to make it exciting.

So what's next?

Let's put a distance in between the two lead characters. After which, let's try a love tragedy or with subtlety, let's garnish with a love triangle emphasis. Hola! My nerves never got the tingling experience. Not even giggle over it. Nah!

And then I entered a multiple personality disorder which happened to be morbid by the end of my thought. I can not kill one persona just to give way to another. This is not Heroes!

And then fantasy evolved from somewhere.

I always love fairy tales.

And so Kendra and Josh emerged from the pit in between Inception and Vanilla Sky.

Got a handful of reference books to make it factual.

The story supplied the existence of another world governed by human emotions-fed butterflies.

Then there's a hint of Dante's Inferno and the wonder of mother's love.

And I am stuck.

Somewhere.

Despite I am doing an installment of a romance Romantic Bones, I still do a lot of research on the sides. Running errands for work, family and a sprinkle of spices on top of a complicated life.

I love writing and I intend to do this despite a busy schedule.

My brain capacity is more than a gazillion gigabytes yet it malfunctions a lot.

I realized, stress can kill. I have perfected blocking migraine especially if it's stress related attack.

Sleep.

A day does not offer 48 hours. All I have to do is balance, prioritize and enjoy each hour.

I write in between errand and driving.

Nicholas Spark had written The Notebook when he was still working in Pharmaceuticals.

Lauren Oliver wrote Before I Fall while going to work commuting. Whenever she got time, she wrote.

Veronica Roth started Divergent when she was in College and just published recently.

Those are just few who abounded the publishing world with grace.

Passage will be out this 2012 (keeping fingers crossed). I can not meet June for the 1st part. Passage will be a Trilogy though I hope I'll be sane enough to finish the whole of it that I will not be dragged to the fantasy world.

Reading thoughts-provoking fiction is an excellent escape, I am also skipping time with my writing.

I am living somewhere in between reality and fantasy or more inclined to the latter.

Insanity is at the next curb.

KISS and TEASE

I am seated somewhere with my writing gadgets with me.

I have an installment romance novel I have engaged myself to write a chapter or two each day. Whenever I finish to run an errand, I stay in the car for 30 minutes before going to another scheduled business call. I have two options where to write the draft of Romantic Bones, I have my Blackberry for continues typing since its in QWERTY keypad or typed freely on the iPad.

They are mere gadgets, yes, might be a status symbol to some, yes! But they are my best companions for my writing ambition.  I didn't buy them for the reason of flaunting them but to be my tools, rather. It really works.

I work as a Radiology and Interventional Specialist with Bayer Philippines. Basically my job is running around. I spend more time in driving rather than sit somewhere. After meeting my objective with the people I need to call in a certain outlet or hospital, then I go. Oftentimes, 15 minute talk is the longest conversation I could manage unless we are talking about books. But being a salesperson, my day is either bagging the sales or better luck next time. There are several factors that affect my job yet I really have to find something that will boost my potential and never be burned out.

My previous blogs already shouted a lot about my aspiration to be a writer. Who of his right mind doesn't want to be published? You seeing your name written on a blackboard ignite your interest, how much more seeing your name on the shelf or most sought in Amazon or other sites.

First, I signed up in this blog just to pour out my emotions yet being human, we thirst for recognition. Let's face it! We do not acknowledge that often but pat on the back can really pull you out of your misery and suicidal tendencies.

Then I started getting feedback that I was doing well. Not excellent but well. That's a good start!

I have a pending YA Fantasy titled PASSAGE and on my 40K words already but I have research to do and need to polish the novel very well. It's hard to proofread while writing is ongoing because I tend to change plots and never finish altogether.

The novel has already run for 6 months and I am still halfway. Am I doing it right? Do I really have to research? Why don't I write everything I want since it's a fantasy and be done with it but no!  I need to do a lot of reading to make it something realistic. Something that already happened to a reader but he had never tried to analyze. I wanted to connect with my readers as something like a missing link of a Tiffany chain.

I love Suzanne Collins and Veronica Roth and how they had played with my thoughts and stole me my beauty hours. It will be so ambitious of me but I want to have that same effect with my readers. That connection between the reader and the protagonist/s. YA Scifi/ Fantasy is thoughts-provoking and anxiety drivers. You tend to over analyze things and live for a while with the what-ifs.

It is not impossible yet it is a long run but every lap starts from a single sprint.

Currently, in between work and my YA Fantasy, I write a romance novel titled Romantic Bones and publish one chapter each day or if time permits, two chapters.  I do not have the whole manuscript ready. I write everyday, plot depends on the continuity of the novel but I post once I am done with 1k-2k+ word counts.

From Blackberry, I would copy and paste the novel to Gmail and send it to my Gmail account (BB does not publish once a document have more than 1700 word counts, my theory. I was always having a hard time.) From inbox, it will be another copy/paste to Wordpress, proof reading, insert photo and ola! Published!

I am just having difficulty with Romantic Bones since I share it on Facebook, which is basically read by family, friends, church mates, classmates and conservatives, I am very keen on the intimate scenes. I can not even write maturely because I am thinking I might be offending somebody.

Moreover, I am also conservative in upbringing so I am torn between a writer who expresses whatever I want and a writer who does not want to go on explicit romantic details just like what I want to read from Romance Novel.

Every time I end my chapter, I see to it that it leaves me a smile and something to giggle with.

Nonetheless, I don't think all I can write is a kiss and a tease.

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