Whenever I look outside the pouring rain, reality struck me that I have indeed a happy childhood. Deprived with some luxury maybe but I was contented back then until I savor all the glory of my sweats, hardships and the fruits of my labor. Not easy but it somehow elevated my life from the usual.
My daughter mirrors the what-I-always-wanted. She might not have everything but she has something I didn't have before. But my laughter rang in my ears. Memories were so vivid and dancing under the full moonlight. No qualms. No heartaches. No stress. No anxiety.
Growing up is not easy especially if you think life is unfair but if you live within the center and what should be, you will live by, but I did not. I grabbed on the peripherals. I escaped the reality and tried creating surreal world. Rusty cliche it may seem but suck it up! Reality ferociously bites!
The more I wanted to live with comfort, the more the responsibilities leveled up. I hope it's not too late. I have to slash on everything. Give up something. Step backward. Start from square one and be realistic.
I hate being so cynical.
I want everything to be just simple.
Just like my laughter when I fell from the roof of the Health Center. My cry and guffaw and the salty taste of tears when I flipped backwards riding a swing soared upward. My loud heartbeat when I had to hide my big bruises from being knocked down by a pig when I run at the same time the swine run and blocked my step with the rope. The way I cried when I was washing my scraped knee after catching my foot with the jump rope. The adrenaline rush of hiding from my mother when I was told to nap and after she succumbed to slumber, I sneaked out of the house. After everything, I was scolded, yet, everything was back to normal.
I want everything to be just simple.
Just like my laughter when I fell from the roof of the Health Center. My cry and guffaw and the salty taste of tears when I flipped backwards riding a swing soared upward. My loud heartbeat when I had to hide my big bruises from being knocked down by a pig when I run at the same time the swine run and blocked my step with the rope. The way I cried when I was washing my scraped knee after catching my foot with the jump rope. The adrenaline rush of hiding from my mother when I was told to nap and after she succumbed to slumber, I sneaked out of the house. After everything, I was scolded, yet, everything was back to normal.
Unlike now, my daughter does half of my adventures but after the series of whines and rants, reality slapped me, I have a mountain high of responsibilities, liabilities and duties.
So, this is how life rolls, huh? If only I knew, I should have stayed somewhere. I should have chosen to be a butterfly instead but even metamorphosis takes series of changes. Cycle.
Indeed, children are miracles. Childhood is something to be cherished and put into scrapbook. Soon enough, my mini-me will be doing the same. It's up to me how to change the cycle of her life. Sacrifice is well written in every palm but I could make something that would somehow smoothen the path of my kid as she grows up.
It pains me knowing I can not be there forever to provide her a worry-proof world but I have to start the change now that will encourage her emulate whatever her parents have achieved.
As I look at her, hearing her soft breathing, how I envy her carefree childhood but all I can do is to keep her away from vicious individuals who can pollute her pure heart. She might know a thing or two her friends do not but she is still as young, careless and dependent as a 9 year old could be.
How different our childhood together but just the same, I envy my childhood my daughter mirrors half of it. She is my reality check, my what-ifs, my could-be and my wannabe.
Life may presently suck but whenever my child looks at me with adoring eyes, hugs so tight my jugular could snap, wet kisses like having water squirting my face but it will never be the same 10 years from now.
For now, I will lock these memories inside me for eternity as long as my mind permits along with my happy childhood.
Oh, I just miss my parents all the more especially when I want to dance with my father again..
