It was a year of smile, happiness, reunions, family and struggles.
When 2010 ended, I did not think anything of 2011. Probably because 2010 was so good to me despite a miscarriage, I've learnt to let go, longed but never mourned over the loss. Maybe because, I know I was partly to blame. Stress. Anxiety. Toxicity.
The start of 2011 was even just a haze for me. I wanted to shift gears. I planned to take masters degree but never materialized. I have given up a lot just to savor the slow moving of my 2011.
When I received the highest citation of a Medical Representative could get, I wasn't that thrilled not unless my name was called during awards night. It was a whole lot overwhelming experience. I even prepared a speech just in case but as I was waiting for the announcement, the paper was soon crumpled and neglected as I graced the stage and gave my gratitude to those who had been my mentors and supporters for the past years. My speech started: "I'm not really expecting but I was hoping..." There will always be that slight difference with these two terminology. Hearing it might humor you but I had adhered to my ground that there's that thin difference and I had stilled my balance on it. I didn't try showing off my expectations on my sleeves because I wasn't really expecting anything. Though I also knew how recognition and fame could creep up my consciousness and will boost up my self-esteem. Soon enough I realized I have now my identity in the corporate world. You will never know what to expect unless you're at it.
Summer was really a reunion for my family. The last happiest moment of 2011. Life in the province is so laid back. Relaxing and nostalgic especially when already living in a big and busy city. The time when sickness was not our option and not even expected to visit our family. Not even assuming that soon, the wacky moment is our last laughters together.
Then I traveled to Spain. So exhilarating! I hoped to travel but not that soon. Really, a year to be thankful for.
We gambled transferring my daughter to a Montessori PlaySkool, higher fees but better education and non-sectarian, though the school respected Catholic feasts but didn't neglect guiding non-catholic students.
Then we have our own space back. We started our nest somewhere in Pasig City. A bit costly but we were coping.
Work was on its average toxicity. It run smoothly especially with supportive bosses and counterparts. It's you who can make your work better. When you start complaining about your job, it's where your job gets back at you. All else becomes routine and stressful. Then again, work had been nice to me.
Soon enough, my world turned 180 degrees and upside down. My father was diagnosed with lung cancer stage 4. It seemed the Earth didn't rotate for awhile. Shocked. Whatever synonymous to that, we felt those and other emotions not in the dictionary.
I buried my consciousness to reading and writing again. Books had grabbed me to the pit of fantasies and analyses. They were my escape from pain and denial of the reality.
Our father had been a puppeteer and a strong force to our family and his deterioration caused our thread to weaken. Our life to be back to its square one once more, as if we were toddlers again learning to hold on walls to steady our walks. What develops maturity are trials, crises and shortcomings. Learning from them strengthen maturity. You will never know you have grown wisely unless you are facing similar situation as where you had been and become an adviser. It is really true that experience will always be a good teacher. A very truthful cliche.
Seeing my father in and out of his limbo gave us hope that he'll be with us until Christmas but then again God has another plans for all of us.
2011 was kind but 2012 can be kinder.
It was not an easy journey but we still reached the finish line, nonetheless.
Good riddance 2011. You have given me cherry but got an apple in return.
Yet I strongly declare, 2012 is brewing the rarest kind of coffee, abundant, unique and cleansing. It will really be a blessed 2012 for me and my family.
I do not believe in luck only gut-feel.
To pursue my writing.
To excel in my field.
To juggle my crystals precisely.
To work hard but play harder.
To grab opportunities that will make me whole.
Bring it on 2012!
