"I just couldn't find the right word how I feel," Miranda stared at the dark ceiling of her room she shared with other three students.
This afternoon was a thrill.
A smile from Luke.
A second glance.
And a slight touch to her elbow.
Whoa! The feeling was so strange, yet again it could be something opposite of what she expected to be.
She will always just be Miranda.
Pale. Plain and marginalized.
She came from the province. She was enrolled in a university because Luke's philanthropic father gave her the scholarship grant after she passed a serious and tedious exam.
There was a total of 24 teenagers her age that tried their luck to get hold of the scholarship.
From easy to difficult stage and ended to only 3 who passed and she was one of them.
She was from one of the rural areas within a province in the Philippines. She never thought she will get hold of one of the college scholarship grant in the state university.
She passed the entrance exam yet she really have to undergo another scholarship to shoulder any other expenses not included in the university scholarship that only covers the tuition fees.
She lived with her ailing aunt and both her parents died when she was just 8 years old.
She was a consistent honor student since she started her studies but never a topnotcher but she had always managed to snatch a place on the top 5.
She didn't own even a single book. Her school supplies were always sponsored by their local government programs. She was always persistent to fall in line just to grab a bagful of school supplies every start of the school year. She worked as store assistant in a small grocery store and paid minimum enough to put food on their plates and a bland viand. Or better yet, rice sprinkled with thin layer of white sugar or every mouthful of rice equaled with a gulp of tap water she had fetched from a public well where you have to fall in line with other locales.
Life is harsh, she knew that in her early years. Her aunt got sick when she was graduating from elementary same time when her aunt's husband eloped with some stranger and left her the responsibilities, her ailing aunt and her 4 young wide eyed and hungry cousins.
She always find that force strangling her yet she battled to be brave and answer the responsibilities openly placed in front. At an early age, she mothered the 4 kids and watched her aunt disintegrated from her hold.
Her cousins were forced to beg for alms on the streets just to bring home tinkling coins for their dinner. They skipped breakfast and lunch often and buy a tablet or two for their mother.
Miranda also tried washing clothes for several families who were only capable paying her 200 pesos per wash load. She really didn't mind as long as she could put something on their plates.
She worked her way to high school scholarship and graduated as 1st honorable mention with only one pair of uniform which she washed, dried and worn for the last 4 years. She tried as hard to graduate valedictorian but she failed due to lack of extracurricular activities.
She knew the harshness of society and now she is facing her future with uncertainty, insecurities and unfathomable low self-esteem.
She left her cousins to other relatives to look after them. Her aunt died few months back.
Now, she tried blending in though she felt so strange.
She knew some friends from all over the country.
She attends classes and overwhelmed with different personalities.
Included in her scholarship is a monthly allowance of 5,000 for boarding house, food, school projects and other stuff. She tried squeezing some amount to spare for her cousins and some cheap clothes.
Now, as she lie down her bed with super thin worn out mattress, sleep evades her and Luke's smile lingers around her vision. The feeling's so strange and suffocating.
The touch?
The smile?
The glances?
"Argh! Shut up Mirr! You are one big hopeless and ambitious! His touch only means nothing, unconscious. The smile was intended for the person behind you and the glances were empty!"
Miranda was fully aware of that voice.
It's Saturday and her roommates were not around.
Who was it?
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Undertaken
It will always be ambitious of me to create a novel. I do not have published novels here in my country although I have written more than a dozen when I was a teenager. When I started my college life and a lot of recreation was offered I set aside my writing. I was even amazed how my classmates wrote excellent essays. I competed with my papers but due probably to lack of actual exposure when I was younger, my interest in writing faltered.
But since I really love writing, and had been my therapy during my down point, that talent keeps nagging me.
Writing is a sense of belonging. But the problem with me is, my mind hurled to the scenario if people will like the novel or will there be somebody interested enough to browse the pages.
I read a lot of blogs about starting a novel, publishing and other related topics and I was introduced to a whole new ideas of writing. I just really have finish the novel and find someone to edit and publish it. It's a very ambitious taking but who knows?
It had been 2 decades since I had finished a novel. I had 2 unfinished but were deleted in my files due to some technicalities. Though, that could have been my sign to stop dreaming with my writing but somewhere something keeps nagging me to continue.
I didn't attend any workshop on writing to start with, my parents are not writers not even readers, I majored in Broadcast Communication doubled with Management and I do not see any relevance why I am writing now. I wrote a class prophecy during high school but that was the only exposure I ever had. Although I remember, I desired to submit an article to Young Blood portion on The Inquirer. But then again, I did not.
I started my novel with an initial title 'It Got to Be' last November when Rochelle Melander posted a challenge to indie authors to write a book within 26 days. I took the bait but I wasn't able to continue because my father's health condition worsened. I tried writing though something was pulling me away. I didn't even have time visiting my blog but since writing is one of my therapies, I tried digging my nails out of the pit and tapped the keyboards to form a word, sentence, paragraph and extra effort to hit the publish post button.
There were times, my mind was empty and I just think of nothing. The tears came and I let it flow. I just couldn't discuss depression and yet I feel the claw of it strangling me. My novel is trapped at Chapter 7 and I already have 70 pages. I am focusing on 60,000 word count since I am a newbie. Thanks to Paul Dorset for his helpful blogs on writing tips.
I met a lot of indie and self-professed authors and they somehow inspired me to go on.
A lot of people dream. But few followed and sought the coming of their dreams to reality.
I dream a lot, and yet i have to shake myself that I have to move and keep going because dreams will not come to life without my efforts. They say, we should have dreams more than our memories. I have yet I still lack the courage to go on.
I see myself passing through a thread and reaching the end point and having my novel published and writing new ones. I need to finish this one in order for me to move on and gain confidence that I really can write.I really have to focus and lock my target. Nothing and no one can help me achieve these goals unless I free myself from the chain of uncertainties, insecurities, depression and doubt.
I even tried borrowing Paulo Coelho's new mantra: to write one chapter per day. I did but that didn't last for 2 days. I tried reasoning why I can't focus on my novel, because I have a job requiring my full time, I have a family that needs my attention, I have books to read or these are just my alibis because I am not into writing but my mind now wails an ear-splitting NO!
Everything else starts with a determination.
I can do this.
I'll finish the novel, whether it'll be published or rejected, I'll be moving forward.
Lord, guide me.
But since I really love writing, and had been my therapy during my down point, that talent keeps nagging me.
Writing is a sense of belonging. But the problem with me is, my mind hurled to the scenario if people will like the novel or will there be somebody interested enough to browse the pages.
I read a lot of blogs about starting a novel, publishing and other related topics and I was introduced to a whole new ideas of writing. I just really have finish the novel and find someone to edit and publish it. It's a very ambitious taking but who knows?
It had been 2 decades since I had finished a novel. I had 2 unfinished but were deleted in my files due to some technicalities. Though, that could have been my sign to stop dreaming with my writing but somewhere something keeps nagging me to continue.
I didn't attend any workshop on writing to start with, my parents are not writers not even readers, I majored in Broadcast Communication doubled with Management and I do not see any relevance why I am writing now. I wrote a class prophecy during high school but that was the only exposure I ever had. Although I remember, I desired to submit an article to Young Blood portion on The Inquirer. But then again, I did not.
I started my novel with an initial title 'It Got to Be' last November when Rochelle Melander posted a challenge to indie authors to write a book within 26 days. I took the bait but I wasn't able to continue because my father's health condition worsened. I tried writing though something was pulling me away. I didn't even have time visiting my blog but since writing is one of my therapies, I tried digging my nails out of the pit and tapped the keyboards to form a word, sentence, paragraph and extra effort to hit the publish post button.
There were times, my mind was empty and I just think of nothing. The tears came and I let it flow. I just couldn't discuss depression and yet I feel the claw of it strangling me. My novel is trapped at Chapter 7 and I already have 70 pages. I am focusing on 60,000 word count since I am a newbie. Thanks to Paul Dorset for his helpful blogs on writing tips.
I met a lot of indie and self-professed authors and they somehow inspired me to go on.
A lot of people dream. But few followed and sought the coming of their dreams to reality.
I dream a lot, and yet i have to shake myself that I have to move and keep going because dreams will not come to life without my efforts. They say, we should have dreams more than our memories. I have yet I still lack the courage to go on.
I see myself passing through a thread and reaching the end point and having my novel published and writing new ones. I need to finish this one in order for me to move on and gain confidence that I really can write.I really have to focus and lock my target. Nothing and no one can help me achieve these goals unless I free myself from the chain of uncertainties, insecurities, depression and doubt.
I even tried borrowing Paulo Coelho's new mantra: to write one chapter per day. I did but that didn't last for 2 days. I tried reasoning why I can't focus on my novel, because I have a job requiring my full time, I have a family that needs my attention, I have books to read or these are just my alibis because I am not into writing but my mind now wails an ear-splitting NO!
Everything else starts with a determination.
I can do this.
I'll finish the novel, whether it'll be published or rejected, I'll be moving forward.
Lord, guide me.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Gender
It is always fascinating to know that a lot of people still ready their armor to argue over gender issues.
I have been so obsessed with this kind of position when I graduated from College and entered the workplace the first time. Depends on what path we planned to take but we neglected the fact that this is not a world of gender but we have to be fit inorder to survive. Humans are created with ego and pride as our tails, better yet, twins. And so everybody argues for equality.
I observe people from the street. People riding trains. Vendors. Commuters. In coat and tie. In stilletos and signature wears. Showbiz. Politics. Moaners. Whiners. Beggars. We are in the world where we use our might and wit, not just charms and appeal. Though most often than not, charisma is all it takes to be on the pedestal.
I came across a College schoolmate and she's working at the Provincial Capitol- Justice Department (or if you have the appropriate term for that). She lives in the province and she was telling me how laid back life there is. That, wherever you earned your degree from is not a big deal in the Supreme court not unless you are a practicing lawyer there. I can not argue more but the fact that she is not a lawyer and working in the court does not merit her as a lawyer either. Compare to corporate world where the competitions are very stiff and all you got is your credentials.
When you planned to work as a Disc Jockey and you graduated as a Nurse unless you speak well and can promote yourself like any other people in that same profession, you're welcome but if you tried fitting in and you don not possess any of the qualification, hello there! You are missing your life to be somewhere else.
Working in the mine, welding shop, plumbing, basically the jobs require a man to do it. If you're a woman trying to fit in, at first, probably you would receive ridicules especially from those who wear their egos on their sleeves. But a lot of women had already proven these men that what they can, women can do just the same.
Although, there will always be some issues regarding the capabilities and strength. There are jobs that only men can do. Let's spare them that. But since, the world is trying to view the society with equality, there are jobs and sports catering to both gender. Again, it's not easy to fight for equal footing but through education and training, equality is on the top priority.
If we try to dissect each issue, we will find ego as the main cause of competition. It's not because of men are all Hercules and Achilles, both of them failed anyway. It is the denial that women can do just the same as men can.
Nowadays, I still see men who stares at women with desires and the object of release. I myself felt that boil inside me whenever I see men staring maliciously at unaware women. I even ask myself, is it because some of them do not have enough education to be so discreet with their hunger. They whistle. They stare. It is harassment but some women do acknowledge them. And that's what I was talking about, ego and pride.
Literacy can always lead us somewhere and from there we gain total self-respect and self-preservation. Our standards are elevated and we fight for equality, well for women, but men unless women have proven what we are worth, will give us room to share with them.
Survival is very crucial but we have to work our way out. If we intend to find a step somewhere in the corporate ladder, we really have to flaunt our abilities, credentials and skill but above all, charisma.
Inorder for women to get respect from men, respect yourself first. Some men, see women as just a floating object eventually will sink. Disposable. But whenever we preserve our dignity, men will sense that eventually.
Do we have to wear super skimpy shorts, if we have to ride a jeepney or any other public utility vehicle? I am not putting some conservative notes here, but women are always an object of desire and malice. We have to dress appropriately to get appropriate respect.
Equal footing. It's being attained. Politics all over the world had allowed women to take a post. Journalism and other Literary professions, women had already invaded with men's approval. In Sales and Marketing, there were equal count of both gender.
There is a long list for debate regarding gender equality but I already said my piece.
This is 2012, we are not living in Jane Eyre's era.
I have been so obsessed with this kind of position when I graduated from College and entered the workplace the first time. Depends on what path we planned to take but we neglected the fact that this is not a world of gender but we have to be fit inorder to survive. Humans are created with ego and pride as our tails, better yet, twins. And so everybody argues for equality.
I observe people from the street. People riding trains. Vendors. Commuters. In coat and tie. In stilletos and signature wears. Showbiz. Politics. Moaners. Whiners. Beggars. We are in the world where we use our might and wit, not just charms and appeal. Though most often than not, charisma is all it takes to be on the pedestal.
I came across a College schoolmate and she's working at the Provincial Capitol- Justice Department (or if you have the appropriate term for that). She lives in the province and she was telling me how laid back life there is. That, wherever you earned your degree from is not a big deal in the Supreme court not unless you are a practicing lawyer there. I can not argue more but the fact that she is not a lawyer and working in the court does not merit her as a lawyer either. Compare to corporate world where the competitions are very stiff and all you got is your credentials.
When you planned to work as a Disc Jockey and you graduated as a Nurse unless you speak well and can promote yourself like any other people in that same profession, you're welcome but if you tried fitting in and you don not possess any of the qualification, hello there! You are missing your life to be somewhere else.
Working in the mine, welding shop, plumbing, basically the jobs require a man to do it. If you're a woman trying to fit in, at first, probably you would receive ridicules especially from those who wear their egos on their sleeves. But a lot of women had already proven these men that what they can, women can do just the same.
Although, there will always be some issues regarding the capabilities and strength. There are jobs that only men can do. Let's spare them that. But since, the world is trying to view the society with equality, there are jobs and sports catering to both gender. Again, it's not easy to fight for equal footing but through education and training, equality is on the top priority.
If we try to dissect each issue, we will find ego as the main cause of competition. It's not because of men are all Hercules and Achilles, both of them failed anyway. It is the denial that women can do just the same as men can.
Nowadays, I still see men who stares at women with desires and the object of release. I myself felt that boil inside me whenever I see men staring maliciously at unaware women. I even ask myself, is it because some of them do not have enough education to be so discreet with their hunger. They whistle. They stare. It is harassment but some women do acknowledge them. And that's what I was talking about, ego and pride.
Literacy can always lead us somewhere and from there we gain total self-respect and self-preservation. Our standards are elevated and we fight for equality, well for women, but men unless women have proven what we are worth, will give us room to share with them.
Survival is very crucial but we have to work our way out. If we intend to find a step somewhere in the corporate ladder, we really have to flaunt our abilities, credentials and skill but above all, charisma.
Inorder for women to get respect from men, respect yourself first. Some men, see women as just a floating object eventually will sink. Disposable. But whenever we preserve our dignity, men will sense that eventually.
Do we have to wear super skimpy shorts, if we have to ride a jeepney or any other public utility vehicle? I am not putting some conservative notes here, but women are always an object of desire and malice. We have to dress appropriately to get appropriate respect.
Equal footing. It's being attained. Politics all over the world had allowed women to take a post. Journalism and other Literary professions, women had already invaded with men's approval. In Sales and Marketing, there were equal count of both gender.
There is a long list for debate regarding gender equality but I already said my piece.
This is 2012, we are not living in Jane Eyre's era.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Bookworm
2010--The time I read the Twilight series four to five times and watched the movie the Nth time. Read plenty of Ebooks from my iPod, Patterson, Coelho, The Short Second Life od Bree Tanner and The Host both by Stephenie Meyer (the brain of Twilight novels), Jodi Picoult, Nicholas Sparks and other bestsellers. All if not finished were left bookmarked. Even tried audio books of Julie Garwood and McNaught.
Through browsing the net, I came across the Twilight 1st book on Edward Cullen's perspective. Very interesting though because he really over analyze things. It also discussed where he stayed during his absence after he first encountered Bella at their Biology class. Well then, everything was discussed and I am no spoiler so try googling it instead.
I had my 2nd miscarriage during this year [2010] and since I have to stay home and was authorized to take a leave from work. I tried escaping depression and sought refuge to movies and books where I could temporarily escape reality.
I started reading when I was 10 years old and was so giddy over Sweet Valley Twins, Sweet Valley High, Sweet Dreams and was thrilled with Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys. Those books were just borrowed from classmates and friends or from the public library. I researched on ESP and other Psychology books. I wrote poems, essays and novels yet I didn't pursue literature. What I am saying here is, I really love reading though writing is my sweetheart.
I still remember going back to work after my maternity leave (that only lasted for 2 weeks) and I dropped by National Bookstore to see new books. Though I have a long list of bookmarked ebooks and paperbacks I still went through the rack of the new arrivals. I saw this black covered book with a golden bird illustration on the cover. The author's name is Suzanne Collins and the book title is The Hunger Games. First thing I looked for when I grabbed the book was to check the back cover. Imagine, Twilight series was still fresh in my memory and was gaga over the characters and seeing Stephenie Meyer being quoted, recommending the book, despite my hesitation, I grabbed the copy and paid. It took me another 3 days before I started reading the novel. In between, I goggled Suzanne Collins name and was even linked to some forum discussing her literary works. I was even introduced to her 1st series which is The Underland Chronicles composed of 5 books (got my copy just last year).
You might be familiar with Nickelodeon's Clifford the Big Red Dog, she is one of the head writers. Anyways, I read The Hunger Games. Hooked. I loved Katniss and Prim the first time they were introduced in the 1st chapter. I paused just to post status on my facebook wall about loving Katniss Everdeen. I fell for Peeta Mellark's charm and cried over Rue's demise. When the tributes ( kids who are chosen as delegates for The 74th Hunger Games) were already in the arena, soon the thrill and excitement began. Full packed action and it seems rolling motion pictures in my imagination. I put faces to all the descriptions and personalities discussed in the novel. I became so absorbed and when I finished the 1st book I run to the nearest bookstore to grab the 2nd and the 3rd books. Last 2 books were both hard bound and no paper back available and the cashier even said there was no paper back production yet. In short, no choice but to buy 2 books for the equivalent of one sack of Jasmine Rice.
Early 2011, there was some reviews and teasers about The Hunger Games the movie. I looked forward to see the characters in motion pictures but Lisbeth Salander stole the moment and dragged me to the world of deceit, ploy, net hacking and crime. The time I was also deeply rooted with my anxiety of my father's health condition. Then the never ending roll of movies. Books. Movies. Books. I even got books for my birthday (The Underland Chronicles of Suzanne Collins) and other inspirational ones. I started collecting Emily Giffin's and Mitch Albom's novels and begun my 1st fantasy/romance novel yet I got stuck somewhere though I desire to finish 1 chapter a day. You can not finish unless you have it started. I'm on my Chapter 6, page 70.
Anyway, back to the root of all these, I am so excited to see the movie of The Hunger Games. I read the three novels again and I was captured back. Dragged to arena. Cried. Laughed. Feel giddy about the complicated love triangle and now left alone waiting. I couldn't imagine I will be this fan again. I even bought a copy of The Hunger Games Tribute Guide this afternoon and will buy The Hunger Games Official Illustrated Movie Companion and The World of Hunger Games before the movie hit the big screen.
The 1st book discussed The Hunger Games which is held every year to show the citizens of Panem (North America) that no one succeeded defying the Capitol (what they called the capital). There was a time 75 years ago when District 13 revolted against the Capitol and the district was blown out from the Panem's surface. Every year, there will be 2 tributes (children from 12-18 years old) from each of the 12 districts to join The Hunger Games where they will be sent to arena. There will only be 1 winner and blood bath and killing will be the rule of the game inorder for the winner to bring home the crown. The 1st installment for The Hunger Games the movie will roll on March 21, 2012.
The 2nd book is titled Catching Fire- where there will be a 75th Hunger Games Quarter Quell and the assumption that District 13 still exists.
The 3rd book is the Mockingjay--Katniss Everdeen is the face of rebellion.
The trilogy was intricately and intelligently woven of some wild imaginations and left me drooling and dreamy. Salute to you Suzanne Collins, from The Underland Chronicles to this Trilogy, you are one brilliant mind!
20 days to go and the characters will have faces that will reenact the words.
Through browsing the net, I came across the Twilight 1st book on Edward Cullen's perspective. Very interesting though because he really over analyze things. It also discussed where he stayed during his absence after he first encountered Bella at their Biology class. Well then, everything was discussed and I am no spoiler so try googling it instead.
I had my 2nd miscarriage during this year [2010] and since I have to stay home and was authorized to take a leave from work. I tried escaping depression and sought refuge to movies and books where I could temporarily escape reality.
I started reading when I was 10 years old and was so giddy over Sweet Valley Twins, Sweet Valley High, Sweet Dreams and was thrilled with Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys. Those books were just borrowed from classmates and friends or from the public library. I researched on ESP and other Psychology books. I wrote poems, essays and novels yet I didn't pursue literature. What I am saying here is, I really love reading though writing is my sweetheart.
I still remember going back to work after my maternity leave (that only lasted for 2 weeks) and I dropped by National Bookstore to see new books. Though I have a long list of bookmarked ebooks and paperbacks I still went through the rack of the new arrivals. I saw this black covered book with a golden bird illustration on the cover. The author's name is Suzanne Collins and the book title is The Hunger Games. First thing I looked for when I grabbed the book was to check the back cover. Imagine, Twilight series was still fresh in my memory and was gaga over the characters and seeing Stephenie Meyer being quoted, recommending the book, despite my hesitation, I grabbed the copy and paid. It took me another 3 days before I started reading the novel. In between, I goggled Suzanne Collins name and was even linked to some forum discussing her literary works. I was even introduced to her 1st series which is The Underland Chronicles composed of 5 books (got my copy just last year).
You might be familiar with Nickelodeon's Clifford the Big Red Dog, she is one of the head writers. Anyways, I read The Hunger Games. Hooked. I loved Katniss and Prim the first time they were introduced in the 1st chapter. I paused just to post status on my facebook wall about loving Katniss Everdeen. I fell for Peeta Mellark's charm and cried over Rue's demise. When the tributes ( kids who are chosen as delegates for The 74th Hunger Games) were already in the arena, soon the thrill and excitement began. Full packed action and it seems rolling motion pictures in my imagination. I put faces to all the descriptions and personalities discussed in the novel. I became so absorbed and when I finished the 1st book I run to the nearest bookstore to grab the 2nd and the 3rd books. Last 2 books were both hard bound and no paper back available and the cashier even said there was no paper back production yet. In short, no choice but to buy 2 books for the equivalent of one sack of Jasmine Rice.
Early 2011, there was some reviews and teasers about The Hunger Games the movie. I looked forward to see the characters in motion pictures but Lisbeth Salander stole the moment and dragged me to the world of deceit, ploy, net hacking and crime. The time I was also deeply rooted with my anxiety of my father's health condition. Then the never ending roll of movies. Books. Movies. Books. I even got books for my birthday (The Underland Chronicles of Suzanne Collins) and other inspirational ones. I started collecting Emily Giffin's and Mitch Albom's novels and begun my 1st fantasy/romance novel yet I got stuck somewhere though I desire to finish 1 chapter a day. You can not finish unless you have it started. I'm on my Chapter 6, page 70.
Anyway, back to the root of all these, I am so excited to see the movie of The Hunger Games. I read the three novels again and I was captured back. Dragged to arena. Cried. Laughed. Feel giddy about the complicated love triangle and now left alone waiting. I couldn't imagine I will be this fan again. I even bought a copy of The Hunger Games Tribute Guide this afternoon and will buy The Hunger Games Official Illustrated Movie Companion and The World of Hunger Games before the movie hit the big screen.
The 1st book discussed The Hunger Games which is held every year to show the citizens of Panem (North America) that no one succeeded defying the Capitol (what they called the capital). There was a time 75 years ago when District 13 revolted against the Capitol and the district was blown out from the Panem's surface. Every year, there will be 2 tributes (children from 12-18 years old) from each of the 12 districts to join The Hunger Games where they will be sent to arena. There will only be 1 winner and blood bath and killing will be the rule of the game inorder for the winner to bring home the crown. The 1st installment for The Hunger Games the movie will roll on March 21, 2012.
The 2nd book is titled Catching Fire- where there will be a 75th Hunger Games Quarter Quell and the assumption that District 13 still exists.
The 3rd book is the Mockingjay--Katniss Everdeen is the face of rebellion.
The trilogy was intricately and intelligently woven of some wild imaginations and left me drooling and dreamy. Salute to you Suzanne Collins, from The Underland Chronicles to this Trilogy, you are one brilliant mind!
20 days to go and the characters will have faces that will reenact the words.
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