Undertaken

It will always be ambitious of me to create a novel. I do not have published novels here in my country although I have written more than a dozen when I was a teenager. When I started my college life and a lot of recreation was offered I set aside my writing. I was even amazed how my classmates wrote excellent essays. I competed with my papers but due probably to lack of actual exposure when I was younger, my interest in writing faltered.
But since I really love writing, and had been my therapy during my down point, that talent keeps nagging me.
Writing is a sense of belonging. But the problem with me is, my mind hurled to the scenario if people will like the novel or will there be somebody interested enough to browse the pages.
I read a lot of blogs about starting a novel, publishing and other related topics and I was introduced to a whole new ideas of writing. I just really have finish the novel and find someone to edit and publish it. It's a very ambitious taking but who knows?
It had been 2 decades since I had finished a novel. I had 2 unfinished but were deleted in my files due to some technicalities. Though, that could have been my sign to stop dreaming with my writing but somewhere something keeps nagging me to continue.
I didn't attend any workshop on writing to start with, my parents are not writers not even readers, I majored in Broadcast Communication doubled with Management and I do not see any relevance why I am writing now. I wrote a class prophecy during high school but that was the only exposure I ever had. Although I remember, I desired to submit an article to Young Blood portion on The Inquirer. But then again, I did not.
I started my novel with an initial title 'It Got to Be' last November when Rochelle Melander posted a challenge to indie authors to write a book within 26 days. I took the bait but I wasn't able to continue because my father's health condition worsened. I tried writing though something was pulling me away. I didn't even have time visiting my blog but since writing is one of my therapies, I tried digging my nails out of the pit and tapped the keyboards to form a word, sentence, paragraph and extra effort to hit the publish post button.
There were times, my mind was empty and I just think of nothing. The tears came and I let it flow. I just couldn't discuss depression and yet I feel the claw of it strangling me. My novel is trapped at Chapter 7 and I already have 70 pages. I am focusing on 60,000 word count since I am a newbie. Thanks to Paul Dorset for his helpful blogs on writing tips.
I met a lot of indie and self-professed authors and they somehow inspired me to go on.
A lot of people dream. But few followed and sought the coming of their dreams to reality.
I dream a lot, and yet i have to shake myself that I have to move and keep going because dreams will not come to life without my efforts. They say, we should have dreams more than our memories. I have yet I still lack the courage to go on.
I see myself passing through a thread and reaching the end point and having my novel published and writing new ones. I need to finish this one in order for me to move on and gain confidence that I really can write.I really have to focus and lock my target.  Nothing and no one can help me achieve these goals unless I free myself from the chain of uncertainties, insecurities, depression and doubt.
I even tried borrowing Paulo Coelho's new mantra: to write one chapter per day. I did but that didn't last for 2 days. I tried reasoning why I can't focus on my novel, because I have a job requiring my full time, I have a family that needs my attention, I have books to read or these are just my alibis because I am not into writing but my mind now wails an ear-splitting NO!
Everything else starts with a determination.
I can do this.
I'll finish the novel, whether it'll be published or rejected, I'll be moving forward.
Lord, guide me.