I left not because of some whim or I just wanted to have my freedom back. I left because I deserve the life away from misery.
People talked and they are continue talking. Nobody knows the whole truth, not even those people I have shared some of those sufferings. I tried secluding my kid from what I have gone through in my current location now.
I am happy and never happier when I escaped from the comfort of my 10 year dwelling.
I made decisions, major decisions and I do not dwell on regrets anymore. My predicament taught me that I can not simply rely on anybody. Friends, indeed, come and go and if you can not offer them comfort, they would leave. I opened up my self to new friends, new life and the confidence that I will be standing up with a victorious smile next.
2013 has been good for me despite all the challenges, I received plenty of blessings and I gained a lot of new friends. My first few months were not so good to talk about but just the same I want to spill the bean as not to bringthis to 2014.
We started off from scratch. No fork. No pillows. No blankets. What we had were our clothes from Manila we had freighted. I had money in my wallet from lending and from my relatives. One humbling experience. I didn't mind starting off despite I had two other mouths to feed, my kid and my yaya.
We got a place. A nice place but when money started depleting and we had limited supply of food, I decided to bring my kid and yaya to my mom's place. I didn't think. I let go. (This is the first time I cried when I recall everything)
When we escaped from Manila, fear was eating me but Red, a very good friend told me that I shouldn't let a single tear fall. I have to show my kid that she made the right decision of choosing me because I was strong. But then again, somewhere in the domestic airport, I collapsed and good thing, Red was at the other line. I never had the chance but 'thank you'.
I have plenty of friends. A lot of them but when I was on the process of crossing the bridge, I realized, that was my battle. My own. Few remained but mostly gone.
I lived alone for quite sometime. When I reached home, there was no one to meet me at the door or pat my back or give me a smile. I ate alone. I slept naked. I savored the independence. But the truth, I travelled in a very shaky ground. I appeared strong because I have to. I lost weight not because of choice but because I have to tighten my belt. When I noticed I was heading to anorexia, it became my choice to continue with losing weight instead, mixed with exercises as to appear toned and healthy. Now, I'm only 113 lbs and a vegan, by choice.
I met a lot of people who appeared heaven sent and helpful but some of them contributed to my miseries. But I have a few who I decided to maintain a spot in my life.
I continued my journey until I started fitting in. I anchored somewhere. And I know I have a very good kick off.
Happiness is a state of emotion and it will always be a decision. I intend to stay happy, regardless.
My life is not easy but I continue with my journey.
I already declared that 2014 is a very good year for me. I already had 2011, 2012 and 2013 as the big bad 3s. I won't allow another year of misfortune.
Presently, I am happy. It's not all smiles but with those pains there are equal moments to cherish.
I have to tell my story.
This is just a glimpse of it.
Be with me as I leave the past behind, totally.
