My father fortunately was born with a family business to sufficiently support their family. There were eight siblings and he is the 5th. He enjoyed nannies and even lived extravagantly. His parents were devoted to playing mahjong and soon their business collapsed. Well, no one succeeded in a game of chance for long. Betting family's future to the outcome of the wheel of fortune.
Unfortunately, most of the siblings didn't graduate high school including my father. What did the parents do, i didn't know.
My father started living callously at the age of 15. Even earning pennies on his own. He started smoking at this early age and enjoyed it. I can just draw conclusion that, they were left unaided. At an early age, papa knew he has to work hard in order to enjoy the fruit of his labor.
I wasn't told the whole story of his childhood. But whenever I felt he was being unreasonable, I tried digging his past through hypothesis and conclusion and understanding how he was brought up.
He was not the favorite among the siblings but not the least. He worked as a market vendor until such time he owned a space for himself. He knew the world through hard work and labor. He developed maturity on the streets.
He started a family of his own. He raised us through the knowledge we have to survive. We started with a limited resources but he possessed a good heart and even opened our doors to house some relatives. He was aware he had to feed several mouths and so with my mother in his side they pursued the family business. No extra money for caprices but enough to sustain the basic needs of the family.
He would wake up early in the morning to catch early market goers. He had managed to make friends with his customers and soon they were his loyal consumers.
He never took advantage of his customers and he never argued.
He would be satisfied with the money he brought home with viands to be equally divided to the family members.
As the family increased, he never ceased to find alternative where to get additional income, though he couldn't do it alone without the ever supportive wife, our mother.
As we grow older, he has given us liberty to choose but once we took the wrong decision he's uncontrolled to punish us.
When I was younger, I felt indifferently whenever he threw harsh words to me. I always wanted to act infront of the mirror (well, i did it plenty of times discreetly) and one time he caught me off guard and he said: " stop that nonsense! It will lead you nowhere!" Then a lot of vernacular swearing. I started to succumb to hatred. I kept a notebook with me plenty of hate mails. All the words that hurt me I wrote in bold.
When I was getting older, I tried looking for reasons of why he has to do that.
He knew by heart he has to feed the family. He smoked a pack a day. He drank 2 bottles of pale pilsen for a good night sleep. He went to movie house every week to watch his favorite actors played in our local cinema.
He is but an ordinary citizen with his family as his precious possession.
He might have disciplinary procedures he knew he has to render to his children regardless reasonable or not.
We might have not understood everything when we were yet growing up but at my age now and as I looked back, I never regret a thing why I was raised with a family who had only enough and no extra funds.
A father who may not have a knowledge of an educated man but had raised a family with values. We [his children] were forbidden to visit neighbors just to talk about other people's affair. We didn't have a chance to play card games because he would not allow us to. We have to be home before 6 pm no ifs no buts. We have to be in bed by 8. We didn't enjoy school activities especially if we have to pay in order to join, he'll not allow slashing on budget intended for the basic needs. We might have rebel against those but we are where we are now. Not so well off but enjoying every fruit of our labor.
He thought he'll just have our mother as they grow old. That his children have already affairs of their own. That he has done enough and led us the way to growing old. There were times we have to explain to him the situations of certain occurrence and the wisdom of it before he fully understood. We realized, our father lacks understanding of an educated man. He never had a chance to continue his study because he has to send his children first to school. He has a lot of mixed up English words to something literal because only education taught the meaning of it.
You can not give idioms, he'll understand the meaning taking it's literal form first.
You can not talk to him in modern day language because he'll find it absurd and again take it literally.
But you can not insist telling him he's wrong once he stood his ground firmly.
He is a man of principle.
He insisted to be heard but never been persistent that we follow everything because he also opened our eyes to options and left us with free will especially after we lived outside of his household.
I understand fully now his goal as a father, raise the family, led straight path for his children until they are old enough to decide on their own and support any decisions we make as we pass through adulthood.
The best we learn from our father's love is that, you decide, you bear the consequences that's how we gain maturity on our own.I'm not saying he's right but one psychology of life says: You have to pass through trials and conflicts to call yourself mature. Maturity does not come with age, it comes with difficulties you tend to surpass with sound decisions of your own.
He may have different views and style of discipline but we'll always be thankful he has brought us up empty handed and that emptiness brought us places. We stood firmly and grounded. And his love will always bind us whole.
He is diagnosed with lung cancer stage IV two months ago and his health deteriorates so fast he lost several pounds and aged 10 years older. Everything said to malign his name send revolt in us. He taught us how to love and our heart swells of love whenever we see him suffering. Our lives are entirely different now knowing the strong force that binds us is slowly releasing it's hold and someone has to stand firm.
He is and always be our puppeteer holding our strings. That's the force he has in our lives. One strong force. Our father's love.
