I have a concept of a true self even before but always derailed to a limited view synergized by some conflicted belief. And POW! Disappeared. I started on square one again.
At times, books could enlighten but it helps to have someone who mentors. Who is willing to share the idea of consciousness, now and true self. Not all, are prepared to thread this realm but everybody is lined up to each his own reality. In psychology, it is what we know, maturity. In spirituality, it is awakening. The shift in consciousness. The acceptance that there is the higher self. Your I and myself.
With every turn of our lives, have you ever asked yourself, where the turn is for? Is it really necessary? What is the significant of that event to your daily existence? Or, is this a major upheaval? A shift? A change?
I started my spiritual journey when I was 32. A friend introduced Deepak Chopra and I started following the great spiritual teacher on Youtube and Google. Since I am good with everything written, I browsed, researched and patiently collaborated with the slow internet connection just to get the concept of everything. I was mystified but it was not an easy journey. I was put on fire. I was in my brink of sanity. I planned to track a white line but was mixed with dotted black instead. And then the lines became crooked and relationships were put to test. Just like how the swordsmith makes a strong sword or a goldsmith turn a melted element into intricate designs. And yes, I was heading that path. Concrete, plain and safe but it wasn't easy at all.
Living consciously means letting go of the past. "This too shall pass." Make that as mantra and you will be easy with everything.
I know circumstances take us to new beginning or realization. I was indisposed for 4 days and I called in sick. It was actually almost a week including the weekend. I had temporal cellulities. My left face was swollen and I looked funny. I was looking at myself in the mirror and whispered, you are beautiful. And my inner turmoil disappeared. Yes, there's that inner child whose hunger for appreciation is unquenchable. The thirst is just tamed but ego keeps on triggering that void.
Few of the things that dawned on me during my two-facet reckoning days:
1) Beauty is only skin deep. Yes, I always post my face in social media because it took me a long while before I fully appreciated my physical aspect. Consciously. But everything is just temporary. I adhered to that. A small bump can change the whole physical form. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror at first until I accepted the fact that it was temporary. And everything shall pass. That we couldn't hold on to anything, not even how you look like.
2) Time. It is precious. Time is an element we really can not grip. So let's be grateful to those who offer us their time because they give us a portion of them which they can't take back. I have very few people who checked on me during the slight depression. Truly I appreciated. Very few. Rare. And just the same, the time I will give them is something I will lose forever.
3) Belief. I resorted to faith healer. Who wouldn't? I had temporal cellulitis. I had pimple in my left inner wall of nose and a small wound inside my right supra alar crease. Who was not doomed then? Like you were so vain the other day and you just woke up with a swollen left cheek and you could not pinch your nose or wash your face just like before because there was pain everywhere. And then the prayers. The touching of affected part. The holy water mixed with vinegar. The shield. And everything. I realized, faith healers exist because there are people who hold strong belief in them. But without faith, healing will never be granted.
4) Money. It does not make the world go round but surely it's a tool to make the world evolved. After the faithhealer I still succumbed to science and I was given high dose of antibiotics and if there would be no changes for 4 days, we would resort to IV antibiotics and that meant hospital confinement. I was prescribed with other paraphernalia to drain out the infection from the cellulitis. My pocket were half filled and thank God I had money to spare. It gave me confidence which I lacked a few days back.
5) Health. The very important of all. Opening your eyes upon waking up. Smelling that coffee aroma. The soft touch of the blanket's fabric. The glimpse of sunshine. The chirping of birds. We have a lot to be thankful for. The 5 senses are indicators we are alive. We breathe. We have life. I see cancer patients lining up to see their preferred physicians everyday and they showed me I have a good life. That I am blessed. That they have their own purpose. And I have mine.
6) Family. It is good to belong to people who truly cares. It doesn't have to be related by blood. All you have to do is care and that is love, unconditionally. That is the essence of family.
7) Love. The most binding force in the universe. That regardless how you look like, how your moods zoom up and down there will be people who would accept you and show you pride helps noone.
7 realizations for the 7 days of antibiotics combatting the bacteria I got somewhere. A circumstance that probably others would shrug off but for me who suffered, I know what it was meant for.
This too shall pass. And I came out clean. With a bald on my left temporal. It's bald as skin head but I am patiently waiting for the hair to grow back.
I just thank those people who never let me feel ugly. And my inner child is back to her hammock, thumbsucking.
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