Self-Love

I am living alone for some time. There were times I shared a place with a colleague, it was easy at first until I would realize that we were living in an unfair world.  Efforts were never counted but the story was always reversed, like, I was given so much favor and I was ungrateful especially when I decided to move out, the discomfort dislodged their cloaks and true colors were revealed.

When I started living a path of spirituality, I learned to let go of things and people that threatens my sense of peace. Those people who labeled themselves as my friends yet they take so much. I was so oblivious before or never had a counter of the things I have done yet when I realized I was in the losing end, shortchanged, maligned, I let go. I turned my back and never explained myself. What entailed were stories of different kinds, bottomline, I was the bad guy and them? Always the victim and the good guys. If they were, the world is a better place to live in. They could have made me stay. But I didn't because they showed me there were people who would always take advantage, that when I grew fangs and fought back, I was the deviant. The fall guy. Someone who people should avoid.  Why? It's not because I was bad, it was because they couldn't take me walking alone while they keep their parade and charade and follow the lead of someone who was weaker than them.

The awakening phase was no walk in the park. I was betrayed a few times yet again and again I clung to some people until I learned to stand on my own. The test was to love myself more and never to please anyone rather than myself. Was it selfishness? No! I just learned to love myself more than how I was taught based on society's standard. I turned my back from a marriage which caged me for some time with so much toxicity and with a boy who has no back bone, how could I call him a man then? There were people who casted fire which burnt them in the process, I escaped and that was the start of my journey. Looking back, there were previous eerie signs yet I overlooked, thinking I had to please a group of people who would applaud my selflessness. Such cowardice and self-defeating behavior.

I don't take bullshit anymore. I don't care if people like me as long as I know I am not doing anything wrong based on my standard of what is right and wrong not from what is the norm.

I will always prioritize my own happiness rather than sacrifice and mope whenever I'm betrayed. I am no slave to anybody but I know what love is and I love fiercely.

I was never afraid of change. I can let go of things so easily and I do not cling on to anything. I disposed those stuff I once loved and never regret the decisions I made. I moved from place to place and I am happy for being unknown. I am always grateful for the experiences. I have let go a big company which was my safeguard for 11 years because I was not happy anymore. I left the place which helped me grew my backbone stronger. I've known people who I exchanged wisdom with but their advice were as good as their opinions because I have my own.

I started my early years of labeled life with so many "friends", Facebook friends, I was gullible, I gave almost my entirety to people I once called friends, I wanted to belong, to be famous tailing a group of people, I talked much because I want my voice to be heard until I chose those circumstances which led me finding my own peace in solitude.

I am a work in progress. I love how everything fits and I live in the mantra of 'this too shall pass'. 

I live on my own terms not on anybody's approval. I know what ego is. I don't have any religious affiliations but I know there is that Sovereign Being. I call my God my God. I know what love is. I have friends, a few, who love me unconditionally. The promise of abundance is within my grasp. I have a daughter who adores me. I have family who supports me. I have the best man I never imagined to love me as much as I love him.

And who knows, everything is just a product of consciousness.