LIMITLESS

As a new beginning unfolds, I am fully geared up once more and fearlessly facing the unknown. I made a big decision which will really change the whole course of my life. It isn't easy but I know deep down, I am heading to where I should be.

I was confronted by a fork road several times. Given to choose from a red or a blue pill. I was tossed in hot water, once or twice. I was burned to third degree but those circumstances strengthened my armor some more. It was like standing with a sling but I was able to use a crane kick flawlessly and freed myself from the hold of a laughing vulture. Or, it was like passing through the process of sword making. I was cut and shaped through a forge and hammered to shape. I decided on my own, believed I knew what I was doing yet my insides were weak and gullible. I was always pushed around which I had allowed. I was hammered and heated, repeatedly. Until I came out sharp and deals with the world in a double edged sword, I can be both sagacious and reserved.

Throughout several circumstances that came my way for the past 4 years of my adult life, I learned and relearned that you should love yourself first and that would always, always entail self-respect.

I was always given options yet instead of tracking the right path, I went left. Taking a blue pill rather than the red and it has been a waze kind of tour. Whenever the app gives you the highlighted route you take another but waze follows through and provides another option or two, yet it's always up to us if we want to rely on the app or treat it as a background noise instead. It will always be up to you, up to us!

I tried fabricating relationship with strangers, although not all but most often than not, relationship starts with people who we didn't know before and then the getting to know takes place, the going intimate, the settling of differences, the going to comfortable stage, and then flows to- too much familiarity and then contempt! Yes, friendship! It's where you put too much secrets openly and everybody devoured like hungry hippos, felt lucky to know you at first until they see you as threat. As someone who walks their dreams or a reflection of what they want and the crack starts. At first it may appear as harmless talk, behind your back, and then it becomes a tirade of malice. And the lashing of backs, and worst, character assassination just because they couldn't reach the bar you have raised for yourself. I learned to forgive, once, twice until I finally closed the store for business. No more, gullibility. No more forgive and forget and then waltz to a dangerous pattern of predator prey relationship again. 

Similarly, it's how you treat yourself to a romantic linkage. How you handle and act towards someone's offering of relationship. At times, you interpret things the way how you want things to end, your fairytale, your happily ever after. But oftentimes, it's your desires that led you to weave out fantasy. Bottomline, you need to be more forgiving with the shortcomings one human being is capable of committing, always, if you intend to build a relationship with a strong foundation. Noone is perfect, if you are looking for a perfect partnership, two imperfect beings will make it flawed. Look at yourself in the mirror, stare at your irises, tell the reflection it is perfectly alright to take off the sheild at times. Happiness is innate, find that peace within and you will exude and radiate that joy, that bliss. Love yourself first and you will receive the love you really deserve, not mediocre, not the after-thought kind of thing. 

Among those lessons and the line up of some more challenges, I am more equipped to deal with the unknown. Usually, the only barrier that strikes is the personality differences. It's up to you if you want your ego bruised or you intend to sear someone else's.

I jumped ship already. It had been 11 years of my life and I knew it's not easy to start anew but I am not afraid. Wayne Dyer said in his 1st book, The Erroneous Zones, "it is not easy to think in new ways. You are accustomed to a certain set of thoughts and debilitating thought that follow. It requires a great deal of work to unlearn all the habits of thought you have assimilated until now. Happiness is easy, but learning not to be unhappy can be difficult." True! We created our habit and our minds were wired to do stuff we are used to. We stick to our comfort zone because that is the easiest. We fear stepping on an unfamiliar territory. But why don't we try this concept, "think back to the time you were learning to drive a stick shift automobile. You were faced with what seemed to be an insurmountable problem. Three pedals but only two feet to make them work." And look! I wasn't borne to a family who has 4-wheels yet I am an experienced driver now. Not an expert but someone I am proud to have become. And yes, I changed my gears, I left the job I was so familiar with. It wasn't easy tendering a resignation but I need to grow. I've grown my backbone and I need to expand my horizon. There's no age limit when it comes to dreaming big. And yes, I learned so much and as I look back, I've gone this far and I am not halting any minute. I learned to slow down but I don't want to stop. There are a lot of things to learn, while the mind is able.

Whatever the situation maybe, think of the busina principle. I was seated at the back and I heard my boyfriend cathechized his friend, who was driving that time, regarding wrong use of car horn, one vehicle cut us from the traffic line, it was swift but our driver blew his horn, as if he could do something about it, I sensed the loud beep was due to his annoyance, and the conversation ran this way: "You shouldn't blow your horn if you have already allowed the car to cut through, useless! Next time, if somebody wants to break the line, don't let him,  you save yourself from getting pissed off and the effort to blow your horn."  

From then on I tried living with the concept.

Some of us are fond of complaining especially about our relationship, family situation and work. With relationship, if it has been habitually draining, and there's chronic pain with the way your relationship works, then get out! If you plan to stay, stop blowing your horn, it becomes nuisance. You think, everybody cares? No!

With family situation, we tend to bring our pain outside of our residence and what does that make us? If it is something permanent, deal with it with maturity. 3 things, accept, let go of pain and move forward. If you make a habit of complaining, aside from disturbing your friends, you are depriving yourself of that peace you deserve. Why not try to control your mind from being antagonized by anything. Look at things as is and do not take everything personally? Stop blowing your horn if it's something you cannot change. Acceptance is the key and everything will fit to what you want for so long. Refrain from complaining for 24 hours and see the difference.

With work, a lot of us moan about policies, about regulations and about the culture in our company and yet, look at you! You are still working with the corporation while gritting your teeth. Do yourself a favor, get out! If you think the company does not contribute to you as a person or to your family's income, by all mean, leave. But while you stay, and you put food on your table from what you earn from your organization, I guess you are obligated to work. To push some more and the company has all the right to stretch you so much more until everything is extracted. That's the reality. We tend to complain about our bosses, about the rules, about everything, but have you asked yourself, how much work have you given to the company? Love your job and be grateful you have one! The company will stand, with or without you onboard. Employees are all dispensable individuals and we are as good as what we have delivered previous year. Current year is your current performance and past is past. Why? Because there will always be people who will be gladly to take your post, and circumstances may vary, but who knows, it's their time to shine!

That's the whole point why I let go of the rein. 

I lived in my comfort zone for some time. I was always prompted with 2 choices and I always picked the one with so much advantage or so I thought because I didn't want discomfort. Now that I am facing two straight roadbeds, I preferred none. I am looking at the roadless route because I know, with all honesty, I can always create the path of my own. Uncompromised and beaming with so much possibilities.

Love in Nudity

Who would have thought that love would find me? I never was afraid to fall inlove but I longed for true love eversince. I had wrong turns but I knew every deadend had a crevice where I could creep in. I was not afraid of closed areas. I cringed with heights but I have always pushed myself a notch higher. What didn't kill me, made me stronger. 

I fell in love with romantic comedies. I appreciated flowers, butterflies and bees. I cried over friends who appeared so sincere and caring. I easily sympathized with persevering less fortunates. My heart was comprised of soft spots and it was broken so many times. Expectations always led to disappointments and then frustrations but my heart was always willing to try. To trust. To love again. Not necessarily romantically but I knew I always gave a portion of me whenever I gave my time to someone. To anybody. Unprejudiced. 

I believed in forever and I know, I've always known, I would get there.

Until my one day came. That day when finally my heart somersaulted and maintained its upside down state while jumping on one palm stand. Love is a choice. Happiness is innate. I was happy. I was complete but I choose to be happier. I fell hard. Love found me, at last! When I thought contentment was my nametag. 

It feels so good to belong to someone else. To lower down my defenses and to see how weak my edges are. How imperfect the whole of me. 

It's good to have someone leading me the familiar way, I looked at it in a different perspective. To hold my hand with intertwining fingers.  To accept my frailties and to let me know I am the perfect defect. To say those familiar words yet they seemed so foreign, they're enchanting. 

It's good to have someone who claim me as his own. I belong to noone but I don't mind the labeling now and I gave authority to this person to hold me captive in infinity. 

Love never promised of all milk and honey but love is always fair. 1 Cor 13: 4-13. The verses were all words before. They were all concepts. But if you truly discern the reality of the promises, all aspects are true. 

I can't say, I won't go through hurdles but I can choose stumbling blocks I will deal with. 

Love found me when I was already 35. Experienced enough to be fooled again. Wiser enough to be lured once more. But there was the sweet calling of the crossing wind. It was like a vocation I once felt when I was 18 which I assumed as walking the convent's shadowed cloister but worldly noise prevented me to. I tasted bitterness of the bottle and sniffed the clouds of lit cigars. The world offered so much distractions I innocently succumbed with open arms. Lessons. Plenty of those. I counted back the teachings I learned from every rise and fall. Those geared me to look love in the eyes, and I knew, it finally found me in nudity. 

It feels good to be babied. To cling on to someone even if some may call it, teenish. Love is ageless. 

It feels good to be spoon fed in restaurants or infront of some significant people. 

It feels good to be protected while crossing the street. Like Magneto is there to rise his hand and manipulate all metals that posted threats. 

It feels good to be asked if I want something even if I just looked at the window in oblivion. 

It feels good to be cared about even if I didn't ask anything.

It feels good to look at him in adoration and feel my heart jump for joy.

It feels good to lay my head on his chest and listen to the sound of his heartbeat.

It feels good to feel peace with the sound of his breaths. 

It feels good to feel his damp skin on mine.

It feels good to be loved. 

To be adored. 

To hear the I love yous like static on a broken radio frequency.

The promise of security gives me enough strength to live each day even two huge ocean separate us. 

And one thing I will be holding on, I wear the circlet precious metal with stones on my finger and the ties suspended in the compressed air.

My one day came when I said yes with all my cells singing in unison with tear drops and goosebumps.

I am sharing this story because now I know, love set me free.