BEYOND

Everybody experiences a holding moment. It may be a heartbreak from a romantic relationship. A death of a loved one. A loss of a very important possession. Or simply, a hollowness. There are several articles to help cure this anxiety. To bridge this gap and to totally release yourself from this bondage.

More often than not you are not aware that what holds you is your own mind. Belittling yourself. Believing this moment is what you really deserve. But no! Harnessing your potential and focusing on your gifts can help you free yourself.

It's hard.

It sometimes carries you to a long journey.

Self help books and articles are recommended.

Talking to your friends. You don't need a lot, you just need to have three to five trustworthy friends and you are done.

Let go of what is holding you. Cry. Laugh. Be merry. Always think that this is your moment not anybody else's.

Finding yourself from the world takes sometime. You simply go on with the flow. You abide with what is norm and what is a must. You act base on what other people think you should do. You tend to blend with the shape the world has set for you. Even this, free yourself from this hold. The world should not use you, use the world same as using your brain to your advantage and not the other way around.

Try to have a quiet time for yourself each day. Minimum of 5 minutes. You can have up to an hour and enough depends how you tolerate silence. It helps. You are one with the whole elements and atoms of your being. You will be aware of your inner self.

Gaining inner peace is not easy. It surely will take sometime. Outside forces will surely hold or hinder you achieving this but you should start now or else you will never have your time.

Try with the affirmation meditation. I did and it really helped. This is not about religion but being at peace will surely enhance your praying skills and unknowingly you have created a new relationship with God. Loving yourself more will open your soul to the beauty beyond your physical eyes could see. As you journey with sharpening your skills, you tend to understand coincidences deeply.

That holding moment will be released and you will realize, it really happened and you have to let it go and you have to move forward. Being stuck does not mean forever. It is just for a moment, and that moment relies on how you define it, literally.

Anytime, whenever you are alone. Give yourself a few quiet minutes. Close your eyes. Focus on your breathing. Lock a target and take a deep breath. In and out until you master your sphere.

Deepak Chopra teaches to maximize your time. Divide your time to 24 hours. Sleep, meditation, exercise, work, lunch, short meditation, work, dinner and if possible 6-8 hours of sleep. Routine, yes, but what is the very essential of it is giving yourself the silence you deserve. The world offers a lot of distractions, recreations and entertainments. Either you go with the flow or be left behind. Regardless, how technology evolves, maintain the peace you have with yourself and no one could take out that space.

Love yourself.

Focus on your potential.

Center yourself beyond self-image.

Work on your peace of mind.

Soon you will be holding the moment not the moment to hold you.

KINABUHI

Sa daeayun nga pagpainu-ino ro daea-ura nga nagtakop sa pagpanumdum nahuyop it hangin. Nadaea sa kung siin pwede maw maghigop pa it mga kaibahan ag magbusdak it uean. Sa akon nga ginatindugan, mayad eon ru inadlaw ag uwa eon ako it mabahoe nga dueom nga nag-eandung kakon it mabuhay.

Ro kabuhi it tawo mahimutang mo nga matsa hampangan eang. Uwa ka kasayud kung asta san-o o kung basi pag-eubog it adlaw masamad eon ag ihaboy eon lang.

Namasyar ako sa daeanun nga kung siin may mga nagabaeabag nga mga higku ag mga gakueapot nga eapuk. May una pa nga kumunoy nga nagbira kakon paidaeum. Kabuhay ra akon nga pagpamuyot sa mga pwede ko kapyutan. Ra akon nga painu-ino nadueman ag nagpasugot ako nga huypon eang it hangin hasta makaeab-ut ako sa maea nga eugta ag igtu ako kaginhawa it madaeum.

Sa kaabu-abu nga akon nga gina-agyan. Kaeab-ut man it pueo nga dag-on bago ako kabugtaw sa madaeum ko nga pagtueog sa eugban sa punta gid it kumunoy. Abi ko, ratu eon ru akon nga kabuhi nga daehun hasta ako magkauban ag pagtae-tae it akon nga ngipon sa ang ngislo. Ru puno nagbunga eon ag napuslan nga katu isaea pa eang ka busoe nga kalbo. Ginhaboy eang sa tubi ag nagtubo nga makarun inugpukan eon lang.

Bukon it madali paghingabot makabuyot sa higot para makasaka eang paibabaw. Kabulig ru hangin nakaeab-ut gid ako sa daeanun kung siin maea ag may mga hilamunon ag amorseko.

Kung ako nagtuman eang sa ginsugo it mga magueang, uwa ta ako nagtaeang it akon nga daean. Abi ko katu hay tungod mabahoe eon ako makatindog eon ako ag tama eon ang utok. Pero saea gali. Sa tanan nga ginahambae it mga may uban, puro ngislo ag buktot, may kamatuuran.

Ru kabuhi, uwa gatapos nga pirde ka. Ro kabuhi gahambae kimo, musyon ay may hin-aga!

CURTAINS

Leaves withered 

On the drought land

Grass refused to grow some more

Pungent smell of fruits laden on the ground

Pavements mistless and no slime

The night called for a cold one

Promised to gnaw on her wrath

To throw enough spoil of her angst

The old sight never to happen again

The moon shadows the lifeless trees

Buildings abandoned

Properties left to oblivion

Lifeless

Futile

Then heard the guttural cry

One lost soul

One regretful mourning

When nothing was left

When no one to turn to anymore

Then came regrets

She came from a pit 

She knew well

Her comfort

Her life

Her everything

Yet, after death descends

She was left alone

To see the misery

The lost world

Because she hid herself

To the confinement of her world

When she realized she could walk

Could talk

Could run

Nothing was left

To share the world with her

Futile

Useless

Lifeless

Wasted. 

  

FRAGMENTS

Life is a matter of perspective

It's how you see yourself in 

A big loop of chaos

Your choice

You stay in the center

Be part of the whirl

Or be the peripheral

Onlooker

Lookout

Your mind would bend

Your heart would listen

But somewhere

Stuck in between 

There's that choice

To go along

Or stop

Or disappear.

-------

You stood

You laughed

You sang

And danced the tune

You conformed

With what is right

You acquiesced

The truth

You are bound

Yet again

You have your choice

Once

Once

Just the same

Decide

Be firm

Give yourself

A chance

To live

Happiness

Just like

How you want it

Not because it should be.

---

 If I am that

I could have

But I am not

So I won't

I have been

And look

What was?

What is?

What will be?

Void. 

NUANCES

Tweet, the bird says
It spreads its wings
But not strong enough
It tries to walk but feet
Feels like goo
It opens its beak some more
And tweet it sounds
Eyes dilate
Ears alert
Yet the bars
In its front
Spells the truth,
Caged.

-----

He didn't stare
He gawked
He smiled
He said lovely things
He never promised
He tested the water
Warm
He soaked his foot
Feet
Knees
Until totally
He was submerged
Yet when he looked up
He was alone.

-----
I am fine, said the ant.
Let's walk
Let's crawl
Let's see the sunlight
Let's feel the breeze
And the wind
Beneath our limp feet
Hold on
Is that water?
Hold me
Let's run
Don't let go
Hold still
Climb up
Hold tight
Oh my!
Don't
Don't
Why?
And the ant cried.

-----
If it's complicated
Think
Think
Think
And think
The brain works to its full maximum once it is pressured!
It has to free logic and reason or else heart will take over
And most often than not,
Disaster!

Random

I am but a butterfly
Flying lightly
Sipping nectar
Kissing the petals
Smelling the pistil
Dancing the wind
Beneath my fluttering wings.

I am a bee
Busy humming
Sniffing the scent
Of buds
And flowers
Of a very good morning.

I am a caterpillar
Crawling the green
Hugging the stem
Touching the dews
Sleeping in the hollow
Of the new blooms.

If only I am a bird
With the wings sturdy
As steel
I will soar up high
And be oblivious
Of my present predicament.

But no!
I am just a moth
Dreaming to be not
Wishing to be another
Oh there's the fire!
Would it hurt
If I will rest for awhile?

Bitten

I envy my childhood. 

Whenever I look outside the pouring rain, reality struck me that I have indeed a happy childhood. Deprived with some luxury maybe but I was contented back then until I savor all the glory of my sweats, hardships and the fruits of my labor. Not easy but it somehow elevated my life from the usual. 

My daughter mirrors the what-I-always-wanted. She might not have everything but she has something I didn't have before. But my laughter rang in my ears. Memories were so vivid and dancing under the full moonlight. No qualms. No heartaches. No stress. No anxiety. 

Growing up is not easy especially if you think life is unfair but if you live within the center and what should be, you will live by, but I did not.  I grabbed on the peripherals. I escaped the reality and tried  creating surreal world. Rusty cliche it may seem but suck it up! Reality ferociously bites! 

The more I wanted to live with comfort, the more the responsibilities leveled up. I hope it's not too late. I have to slash on everything. Give up something. Step backward. Start from square one and be realistic.

I hate being so cynical.

I want everything to be just simple.

Just like my laughter when I fell from the roof of the Health Center. My cry and guffaw and the salty taste of tears when I flipped backwards riding a swing soared upward.  My loud heartbeat when I had to hide my big bruises from being knocked down by a pig when I run at the same time the swine run and blocked my step with the rope. The way I cried when I was washing my scraped knee after catching my foot with the jump rope. The adrenaline rush of hiding from my mother when I was told to nap and after she succumbed to slumber, I sneaked out of the house. After everything, I was scolded, yet, everything was back to normal. 

Unlike now, my daughter does half of my adventures but after the series of whines and rants, reality slapped me, I have a mountain high of responsibilities, liabilities and duties.

So, this is how life rolls, huh? If only I knew, I should have stayed somewhere.  I should have chosen to be a butterfly instead but even metamorphosis takes series of changes. Cycle. 

Indeed, children are miracles. Childhood is something to be cherished and put into scrapbook. Soon enough, my mini-me will be doing the same. It's up to me how to change the cycle of her life. Sacrifice is well written in every palm but I could make something that would somehow smoothen the path of my kid as she grows up. 

It pains me knowing I can not be there forever to provide her a worry-proof world but I have to start the change now that will encourage her emulate whatever her parents have achieved.

As I look at her, hearing her soft breathing, how I envy her carefree childhood but all I can do is to keep her away from vicious individuals who can pollute her pure heart. She might know a thing or two her friends do not but she is still as young, careless and dependent as a 9 year old could be. 

How different our childhood together but just the same, I envy my childhood my daughter mirrors half of it. She is my reality check, my what-ifs, my could-be and my wannabe. 

Life may presently suck but whenever my child looks at me with adoring eyes, hugs so tight my jugular could snap, wet kisses like having water squirting my face but it will never be the same 10 years from now. 

For now, I will lock these memories inside me for eternity as long as my mind permits along with my happy childhood. 

Oh, I just miss my parents all the more especially when I want to dance with my father again..