PHEROMONES

It seems males couldn't really resist the invitation once a female emits pheromones.

There is that certain area in the brain which acknowledges this desire to have the release and send male into a riotous androgynous collision.

I have recently and currently watched that happen right under my nose.

I have two male dogs, a Shih Tzu which turned 3 years last March 9 and a 6 month old Golden Retriever.

The Shih Tzu was already betrothed for the next heat of our neighbor's female Shih. We have feasted on that idea and prepped our boy for that rendezvous.

It seems our boy knew about that life changing encounter soon to take place.

Dogs' mind work a fraction like a human does. They have the same competitive quality and the hunger of belongingness yet their level of consciousness is just higher than plants and lower than humans, apparently.

When Peeta, the Golden Retriever arrived home, Kevs, the Shih Tzu showed jealousy and anxiety of having another male dog in the pack. Kevs peed everywhere, marking his territory, a dog's way of letting the newbie know, "This is my house, my pack, I am the alpha male here"

Since Peeta is a large breed and higher in maintenance's cost, I see to it that both their needs were on top of my priorities.

Having a dog is like nurturing a child.

One day, I came home carrying a Dental chew bone primarily for Peeta since he was on the teething stage of his puppy-hood. I cut a small portion for Kevs and the latter had guarded his share with a bulwark. He then showed aggression whenever Peeta came near him judging the bigger dog might steal the bone from him.

He fought, snarled and defended his territory under our dining table. He manned the perimeter with his possession securely hidden at the back of one of the dining chairs. Kevs even clawed Peeta and drew the Golden away yet since Peeta is still a puppy, he didn't seem to care and thought that the Shih was just playing with him.

A very pure and sincere unadulterated trait of a pup like a child.

Until such time that ants had also marched up to share the goodie that I decided to throw the bone away.

For the first few weeks, the Shih seemed to be very territorial. He just observed Peeta while stretching and lazying around. Peeta was just a pup, what did we expect?

Time and time, the Shih outgrown his indifference with the newbie since Peeta had tried protecting him a lot of times when they are taken out for a walk. Kevs, given his size was always bullied around especially by the Aspins, a common mixed breed dog, that just roam and wander about the area.

So, discrimination also happens with these creatures. But since Peeta joined the pack, the 15-pound, heavy boned Golden Retriever served as Kevs' "muscle" having both dog and human groups cautious as they walk along and take a stroll. Mind that Peeta is 6-month old and still a puppy but never looked or barked like one.

A couple of weeks ago, a neighbor offered his female Shih for betrothal to our virgin Shih who only hit stuffed toys.

The rendezvous will soon transpire in a month's time.

Three days ago, I arrived home and only Peeta welcomed me while Kevs was tied at the kitchen door. He was panting and tongue was out as if he came from a long walk. Peeta was looking so relaxed so I decided something was wrong with the Shih since Peeta eyed me like saying I-have-not-run-in-the-park yet.

After dinner, Kevs was tailing Peeta wherever he went. He was like a fly hovering over a poop. Yes, very persistent and consistent. Fortunately, the Golden didn't see it as annoying but a playful act instead. Probably, something was lifted from Peeta's chest with the acceptance of the older dog.

And then there was this disturbing occurrence. While Peeta was lying on the couch, Kevs joined him panting. Then Kevs tried riding Peeta. We tried to laugh at first.

After another day or two, Kevs behavior had alarmed us.

There is a female Shih living near the park where the two dogs usually walked. The female Shih is actually in heat and it had brought our boy into some frantic demeanor.

Kevs now perceived Peeta not a newbie, not even a brother but someone he could find his heat released on. He rides on Peeta whenever and wherever could.  Peeta on the other hand found Kevs behavior to his advantage and play with him.

Disturbing behavior, yes, yet it is always the hormones that send them to consciousness that this is not just a male world.

Female and her pheromones play crucial role in this world.

Try asking yourself this question, in this world, what is the first role of women, pheromones or not?

Male is not male not with the male hormones, female will always have the advantages. Whenever, wherever.

Today, the female in-heat-Shih is not yet knocked down yet a lot of male dogs are panting like our boy.

Was I talking about you, no, I was referring to animal kingdom, was I not?

(Image from eHow: Pheromones)

CLIFF HANGER

It is not an easy journey. I succumbed to a challenge and it seems I can not sustain yet I am still hanging and ultimately moving forward, inch by inch.


Probably, what holds me somewhere is the fact that I really wanted to make this first novel in full English a blast. I started with just a lengthy post in FB conceptualizing a not-so-traditional love story of two young hearts. Separated because of circumstance and after 5 years reunited. The guy for luck of better words to say it, somehow, denied his feelings to this girl who has been head over heels infatuated with him. The story was narrated through third person's perspective, for me, to be able to jump from head to head and not to limit my readers through one story teller yet I felt there were some kind of complications, or it's just me. I do not plot, I just write freely. 


I always love story-telling, you could read about that from my previous posts. Due to evolution of needs, wants and desires, my writing skill was soon forgotten though at times I really wanted to brag about it but due to lack of exposures I had kept that little talent lurked somewhere. 


Then, there was a challenge posted by Rochelle Melander, a 26-day novel writing challenge. My dormant writer self was awakened and aroused. I dared myself to write a novel. In English this time. English is not our primary language in our country and we do not converse straight English at home so this is a very big challenge, indeed.


I thought I was just going to write a non-traditional but still a boy-meets-girl-conflict-resolution-happily-ever-after novel but one afternoon as I'd explore the vastness of my imagination, I caught myself researching on multiple personality disorder. Then, I realized, it will be some conflicting schizophrenia type and so I trashed the idea and explored some more. As I typed, I came to one kingdom of butterflies and I researched on metamorphosis. I came with the idea of unconscious and subconscious and how they work. Also there's the existence of some religious elements, thanks to Dante's Inferno. Then as I read back, I had already reached 6 chapters with 25K word count. 


I just don't know if I was still on the right track or not. I visited blogs of some published writers and I subscribed with Paul Dorset's. His blogs on tips for aspiring authors were really big help. 


I intend to write this first novel up to 60K word count and yet it seems I have so many ideas I want to discuss though I am also aware that as neophyte as I am I need to offer a shorter first novel until such time that I already have created a name in publishing.


It's not easy. 


I have complicated plots and I am really contemplating to finish the novel by June. Lorna Suzuki once said, "it's good to have a timeline" and yes! I will really finish what I have started. 


There were days that I couldn't write anything and I felt so dumb though ideas were spilling from my active mind. Writer's block? I just couldn't understand that concept. Probably, it was due to some conflicting emotions that I have. There was a time my novel was stuck to Chapter 7 for 2 weeks. Not moving. Nah-duh! But published authors and aspiring writers in Twitterverse were very helpful enough to guide me get through with that gap. Thanks to James Jackson for the words of wisdom about finishing a book: "Write everyday. A thousand words are not bad and even 100 words are still considered a progress." Not verbatim but same thought.


Anyway, the bottom line is that, there are a lot who aspired, published and now successful. We may not came from the same skin but everyone of us was given a special talent. Mine is raw and yet to be cultivated. I once succumbed to one's challenge, I didn't meet the 26 day requirement but hey I still have extra 26 days this month and another in June. Yes?  


I just need a pat on the back and good words to feed my soul because I will always have that feeling of hanging on a cliff. 

FAITH

Seeing the long and winding road
Telling yourself to go on
You are dragging your tired and soiled feet
Sink to the soft sand and withering grass
You fall on your knees
You struggle to get up
Yet your body deny you the strength
Harrow and anguish 
You weep and lament
Looking at the clear blue sky
Blinding light and scorching heat
You summon your core up
You manage to stand on one leg
A smile softly lingers
You gather yourself up
Just to sink back
Face down to the dirt
Kneeling with hands clasp together
You look up once more
And gaze bravely
At the blazing sun
You move your lips for a few
Tears fall down your tainted face
And a word escape your lips
The audible sound of "Amen!"

FRAGMENTS

SECLUSION

Staring blankly

Seeing darkness

From the corner

Of the secluded tree

I finally understood

The essence of a companion

I should have called up

Someone to borrow his ears

Yet everyone was to his oblivion state

I’d rather sit and wait

Just like old days

If only I made choices

Precisely the way I imagined

Then now I’ll be somewhere else

Singing a melody

And cradled by a Prince,

Who sings the tunes for me.

REVERIE

I maybe small, I maybe plain

But all else I knew are from deep within

I am scarred and raw

Yet wanted to start anew.

I stumbled into a dark filthy alley

Struggled to free from the shame and mockery

I stood up, craning my neck high

No one could tell if I was just hiding a cry.

I walked passed a busy street

Wearing a stiletto of confidence

I smiled timidly and I nodded just once

I was shielded with a fake self-assurance.

If only I didn’t fall back

And consumed all the dust

If only I regarded myself high

And didn’t just blinked and sigh.

I maybe small

But I am not plain

I fight back now

Yet I am still cowardice.

Blinded at a standstill

But I’ll stand on my ground

I’ll be fighting my way out

From the harshness of where’ve I been.

Yet if only I can free myself

From the restrain of uncertainty

If only I can put the world inside my hand

And let butterflies dance to be free.

If only, I can open these eyes to the truth

If only, I can use my mouth to speak

If only, I am capable to fight just like what I’ve thought

But I can not, I am just a delusion.

TAMED

I am a little girl.

A girl who waited for a physical love for so long.
I was never a persuasive girl.
I was tame.
I was patient.
I never argued nor fought back.
I was contented with whatever was on the table and fed myself.
I never question the existence of a simple life.
I played in the meadows.
I run and laugh a lot.
I was brought up just fine through the eyes of simplicity and tameness.
I was cradled through the bosom of plain and uncomplicated life.
Yet when I was on my own, I struggle to break free.
A hole I crawled into was a deep hollow from underground.
I moaned. Screamed and cried out just to get away with that place I thought was everything.
I had scratches all over and grease bath the whole of me.
I stood up on the pavement where concrete walls I saw where very rough to my touch and plain on my cover-less soiled feet and long and too sharp toe nails.
The street was very busy with a lot of walking creatures on two feet and two extra limbs attached to their  shoulders.
Creatures who have two eyes with pointed something on the center of their faces right above their two colored lips.
I touched my own face. Lifting my arms was a struggle enough because there was that stabbing pain all over my shoulder blades. I felt  a very short and fine hair attached to my socket and when I blinked it tickled me lightly. I lifted my limb touching the socket and I was amazed to see five sticks attached to a bone going up to my shoulders. I moved it once, twice and I felt a movement on my face. I touched the part that twitch. I touched a two soft tissue separated from each when I struggled to stretch it.
I gaze back to the creatures passing. They have different faces. Different shades of clothes they carry with them with ease.
I could not fathom the emotions that boils inside the middle part of my body.
Then I saw two sockets.
The whole object approaching me.
My sockets as I felt them were in wide sphere.
Instinctively, my lower limbs dragged me back and I felt the rough concrete wall on my back.
The alien creature kept on approaching me.
I dropped to the ground and balled up as I was accustomed to.
"Hey!" I heard the sound from the strange creature.
I managed to make myself smaller.
I felt something on my shoulder.
I opened my socket for a few centimeter to check what touched me.
It was the creature's one limb with long sticks just like mine which I have noticed earlier.
"Hey!" I heard again.
I looked up and opened my two sockets.
I could see the creature fully.
Wavy cover to the skull. Two separate line above the sockets. Two sockets with strange balls the color of the leaves during spring, a pointed thing below the sockets located on the center of the whole face and two moving thin tissue with white underneath.
I tilted my head.
The creature in front was beautiful as sunrise.
I had always regarded the sun as the most exquisite creation yet this creature...
"Sun?" I heard a hoarse, sing song voice from my two soft tissue.
I managed to put long sticks on that to feel it. It parted as I parted it. It was me who made the sound.
"You okay?" The creature sounded again.
There were a lot of other creatures who had their sockets pointed at us.
Then I heard a screech on the pavement.
A box with two black rounds on the sides.
With glass reflecting the walls.
I saw a creature
Looking back at me.
Wide socket.
Balls the color of the tree trunks.
Long threads of waves.
I carried my limb up to point my sticks to it.
Then the creature from the box's glass pointed back at me.

BOOK REVIEW: FIFTY SHADES TRILOGY By E.L. James

Fifty Shades Trilogy (Fifty shade of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed) is a romance novel, a modern fairy tale discussing eroticism and the power of unselfish love and obsession. The story is very heart warming yet very addictive. Once you start the novels, they will surely promise you a long day, you will never know it's late not unless your eye lids droop effortlessly.

The story started when the Literature graduating student Anastasia Steele subbed for her sick bestfriend to conduct a scheduled interview with a conglomerate, handsomest, rich and bachelor and and one of the youngest successful businessmen in the US, Christian Trevelyan-Grey for their school newspaper. And that started the romance to kindle.

Anastasia is naïve when it comes to serious relationship while Christian had no public information about his affairs which turned out as Anastasia uncovered his secrets. Ana is living with her bestfriend Kate Kavanagh in an apartment bought by the latter’s parents. Ana’s mother has married for the 4^th time and technically she lived independently and supported her studies through part-time work in a DIY shop.  The story was written in Ana’s perspective but EL James had made it to the point that the readers will have a glimpse of what other characters specifically Christian think most of the time through Ana’s inquisitive mind and hunger for information to understand Christian’s personality and lifestyle. The author is very eloquent with the way she had delivered the story lines. There were thoughts-provoking plots and elements which she had successfully bridge everything that you would eventually agree with the conclusions. The novels also stated some classic artists and books you would eventually rummage books and records store to check, or better yet, click on Google search.

The novels discussed how Ana hopelessly fell under the trap of a powerful man. She was introduced to a lot of firsts both romance and sexual eroticism. The description was very vivid that you will be dragged through Ana’s experiences. The love story was very powerful. Christian, 27 years old, after 12 years of being slave of sexual self-gratification and even considered himself as a sadist had finally met Ana who had known romance through the novels she read. Her knowledge about love and relationship were so idealistic that when she fell under Christian’s charmed life, she was overwhelmed.  She was introduced to a lot of sexual pleasures and EL James was very successful with her story telling. Readers will be drawn to inch by inch of the affairs.

The author again was very successful in making the reader feel the right emotions through Ana’s eyes, both moves on the same direction and height.

Ana’s innocence and acceptance for Christian’s fifty shades of personalities had brought her a long way and even charmed Christian to accept that he could be loved and is capable to love her unconditionally. The reasons of Christian’s complexity was graciously laid down through Ana’s persistent and consistent hunger for information and somehow the story telling will really struck readers to sympathize with him and would surely understand why he was so broken and thought himself as apt-to-no-good yet he was very successful in the whole of the United States. He found comfort and release through sex and the journey was tangled up through Christian’s carnal needs and Ana’s love.

It is indeed a powerful love story and you will be back to being a hopeless romantic once more. You will be moved by the power of romance conveyed in every chapters of this trilogy. The author has very well orchestrated a love and eroticism between Ana and Christian that would somehow leave you breathless.

Two thumbs up and 5 stars for Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed and to the author E.L. James.

First Part. Three: Voice

The silence was very deafening and her breathing broke the pregnant stillness.

There were bean size sweats on her forehead and her anxiety for what would occur next was very tiring.

Her muscles were on the edge and she wanted to convulse.

"Wake up Miranda! Wake up!" She pleaded to her subconscious.

There was a shrill laugh bouncing to the four corners of her room.

"You think this is just a dream Miranda! Or a nightmare! No! This is really happening!" The voice was so cold it crept down her spine to her toes.

She looked around and tried to see the creatures that enveloping the darkness.

She remembered that she turned the light on a few minutes ago.

She sat up just to be pinned down back to her bed. There was a jolt of pain on her lower back. The rough wood of her bed must be biting her skin since the worn out thin mattress could protect her the least.

She struggled out from the firm grip to be pressed down some more. She could see a fume enveloping her and choking her out of air. Her eyes stung. Tears were suspended to fall.

"You think you could still escape Miranda?" The voice was bouncing back and forth sounding near and far from her. "It had been 3 years. You were suppose to be here when you were still 16 yet here you are, older than your batchmates. Could you remember what happened 3 years ago, Miranda?" The voice was menacingly frigid.

She shut her eyes. 3 Years ago? she was struggling with poverty then. Filth and garbage were everywhere. She worked callously just to tend 4 hungry mouths. Her aunt succumbed to eternal hollowness and left her broken some more.

Everything came to a stride. She could sense where the voice led her. The memory lapses she had. The gap in her conscious mind. The event that caused her to take another year in high school. The pain. The pit. The darkness.

She screamed.

She wrestled herself out of the unknown force weighing her down.

"No!" She creamed. "You can not do this!"

There was an imperil laugh from wall to wall providing her chills and goosebumps all over.

"You think you can really fight back?" The voice whispered menacingly right next to her ears.

Then she was pulled out of her bunk bed and thrown hard to the wall. She whimpered. She heard a snap from right under her breast. There must be a broken rib. She cried with anguish.

She tried to stand up on wiggling knees just to be knocked down again and she was flown up pinned to the ceiling face down.

Pain vibrated all over her. Unsolicited tears scrolled down from her eyes with beans and beans of sweat.

"You think you will simply get away? You are empty Miranda! You are garbage!"

She couldn't believe why the voice was so full of anger towards her. She was clueless. She had been so conscious not to step on anybody. Meekness and humility were her most treasured virtues. She had fed four young and hungry mouths. She never aimed for fortune but considered coins as wealth already. She avoided looking people in the eye. She was a servant. She just positioned herself to get a degree in college to alleviate hunger from her cousins eyes. A lot of times, people mocked her. Humiliated her. Yet again she denied to fight back.

She was so dumbfounded now what could be the reason of this hatred from someone who refused to be seen. She was helpless. Clueless even of what was happening to her.

Her ribs were broken, she could feel the radiating pain from her chest to her back.

She had metallic taste in her mouth and she realized she was biting the inner of her cheek.

She trembled but she tried to suppress the fear that would somehow knock her down.

She wanted to succumb to hollowness. All her energy were drained from her.

She tried diverting all the pains to one spot and focused all the remaining lame strength she had.

Then she screamed.

She was falling.

Face down to her bed.

She moaned.

Pain pulsing all over her.

It took eternity before the blinding light.

She was confounded for sometime.

A train?

Then there was a hand snatching her from stillness.

"Hey Miranda, right?"

She opened her eyes.

Luke?